Well I did it- GRE test here I come

It's 4:13 am on New Years Day 2018 and I can't sleep. I take the GRE General Exam on Tuesday, January 16, 2018, 12:30 p.m. at the Taylorsville Testing Center. I remember feeling queasy when I signed up online and hit the pay button. I thought to myself, 'This is the real deal." I'm going to take the dreaded GRE Exam. Since that moment, I've been numb in mind and heart as this date is only 15 more days away and I'm nowhere near ready. My husband and I got home earlier this morning from a New Year's celebration with my brother, Lloyd's family. I've been studying for the GRE with the Magoosh online prep program and after sinking $205 dollars to register for this exam my stress is going through the roof. The GRE is no longer just a test I'll take in the near future. I can't breathe, and there's a knot in my stomach that is anticipating failure. But my reflections of events that led up to this moment just won't allow this spirit of fear to consume me. All my life I felt that I had something to offer this world. Yet, this year I'll be 60 years old. And after a serious review of my family genealogy, I figured I had a good 25-30 mortal years left. What am I going to do with all that time? I've spent 20 years in education and found my passion. As much as I enjoyed the students, I loved the parents that came through my door. It was my love for parents and their needs that kept me in education. I experienced their heartaches, their sense of hopelessness and frustration with their errant children. But I also understood their lack of faith and distrust in an education system that seemed to fail their children. Often I believed that their place in education always seemed so illusive. Yet despite the challenges, at the end of each year I also shared in their joy when their children overcame significant life obstacles. In education we tout parents as a being a primary stakeholder, yet, my experience quickly taught me that while parents are acknowledged as the missing link in education, they were also the link that was the most difficult to develop. School policies were lean when it came to parents and how they can shift and shape education. It is in this area of education that I wanted to make a difference. I believe educators have worked tirelessly with the best interest of our students in mind. But, there is a disconnect between education and parents. I wanted to be part of strengthening the link of parent stakeholders that would lead to a firm bond to the rest of the stakeholders in education. A district director recently asked me what I wanted to do for the rest of my tenure since my career was coming to an end. I shared with her my desire to return to grad school to resume my doctoral pursuit. After a great conversation, she surprised me by saying, "In all the years I've known you, I've never seen you so passionate about anything until now." It was encouraging for me to hear her comments. Of course, passing the GRE with a relatively high score is really important. While struggling with a temporary bout of poor self confidence, I sought for solace in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." And in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." As I considered my own personal worth and my dreams of a worldwide contribution, these passages provided clarity and raised my confidence that I could do all things through the grace of God and His will. Although I've battle with the spirit of fear for so many years, I can no longer remain in obscurity and fear of failure. In my deepest reflection with God, I found myself reaching deep inside my soul for hope and faith that what I seek would come to fruition. However, I must work diligently and never forsake this journey of sacrifice, pain, and discipline if I am to fulfill my purpose.